Walk Unafraid

[amycooper]

I've been officially diagnosed as having panic disorder now.  Living with panic disorder is a bit like living in a horror flick.  Life is tense.  You're always ready for the next horrible, scary thing but it still always comes a sudden shock.  What's worse, when you have have panic disorder, panic attacks often come without any specific triggers-they hit you out of the blue.  You can even be relaxed, enjoying yourself and WHAM! You're entire being is flooded with terror and an overpowering sense of doom.  Unlike flashbacks, you don't even have something within your mind that you can point to.  And panic attacks make you feel so out of control of your own mind.  They make you distrust your own body.  Every mild sensation in your body becomes a harbinger of death and doom.  Panic attacks and the constant internal flinching you try so hard not to do but do anyway causes your whole body to be tense, your head to ache, your stomach to feel unsettled.  

I'm had some setbacks lately.  But I've also had some progress.  Monday was bad.  I had one panic attack after another all morning.  My husband had to come get me and bring me home.  Yesterday I didn't have any panic attacks at all.  This morning I feel a bit more relaxed.  I think I've gotten a lot of my issues out through therapy, which is good, but it's one thing to come to understand the mental ruts that have gotten into this place and a whole other thing to get yourself out of them. Possible, yes, but it doesn't happen overnight.

So, that's my life now.  

Comments

[superbadgirl]

(((hugs)))

[amycooper]

Thank you.

[readerjane]

That sounds very distressing.

[amycooper]

It is. :(

[yourlibrarian]

And panic attacks make you feel so out of control of your own mind. They make you distrust your own body. Every mild sensation in your body becomes a harbinger of death and doom.

Thanks for this. It's easy for someone who doesn't suffer this to see the effects as transitory.

[amycooper]

Yeah. I'm sorry if you're thanking me because you have experienced this. It's horrible.

[yourlibrarian]

I haven't, but it's always helpful to know what someone might be going through, especially when, as is often the case, it's not something that can always be observed.

[respoftw]

At least you have a diagnosis? So many people don’t ever get that and you’re doing all the right things even if it feels like there’s not much progress at the moment.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this, sending virtual hugs your way!

[amycooper]

Thanks. I'm doing okay-ish sorta right now. Hopefully I'll continue to recover.

[libwitch]

*hugs* You got this. Our brains are funny things.